A Marine Memorial Day

Since Daddy was in serious need of working on Memorial Day, I decided to take Smunch up on his request for a visit to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. We took Mam too, of course. It wasn't a huge mistake, but I'd errantly envisioned the same kind of happy day we'd spent at Happy Hollow. I was...uh...wrong. Mam was still whiney and snotty and Smunch was still belligerent. He was thrilled to be going to the aquarium. He'd never been there before, but he'd heard about it from friends. Unfortunately, the anticipation of the visit was more exciting than the aquarium itself.

There were a few highlights though. The first tank of jellyfish was pretty cool. They weren't so interesting after the first several tanks, but they were cool for a bit. One of the kids' favorite things had very little to do with fish at all. There is a clear, glass tunnel that was supposed to give the impression that you were in a tidepool, with waves splashing over you every minute or so. So, you stand in there and *whoosh*, a giant wave of water goes over the top of you. Cool. And it got the kids away from the whining and crying they were doing while looking at the penguins and playing in the kiddie area.











After three hours of struggling to keep the kids on a short leash in the aquarium, the place was absolutely packed and we finally left to go check out the beach. I don't know why I didn't make myself leave sooner! We didn't even pay to get into the aquarium because I used my parents' guest passes. I didn't need to torture myself, or my poor semi-bored, semi-overwhelmed children. Oh well. We meant to go down to Point Lobos, but it was already getting a little late for that, with a long drive home ahead of us. So, we drove down the coast a ways to a place where Smunch saw waves hitting a big cluster of rocks and making giant splashes. It had turned into a beautiful Monterey day, even if it was windy.We all trudged down the beach and picked our way, carefully across the rocks as the tide was going out.
We had a grand time sitting on top of the big jumble of rocks, watching crabs skitter by and Smunch and Mam screeching in delight (and almost giving Mommy a heart attack by jumping up and down in excitement while perched atop the rocky outcropping) as the waves splashed up against the rocks and showered them with water.

So, what started as a day with potential and turned into a lesson in the frustrations of going to a crowded tourist attraction on a holiday, finally turned into a pretty great memory of two little kids having a fantastic time gazing out at the sea. Possibly my favorite quote of the whole thing came from Mam who got to the top of the rocks and declared, "I can see the whole ocean!"

Walking back to the mommymobile, I couldn't keep the kids from walking on the ice plant, but it made for a pretty picture at the beach...and solidified it as a fine day after all.

The More Dirt, the More Fun

I'm doing things a little out of order here. I can't seem to manage to write things as they happen. It was Memorial Day weekend, so we were a busy little family. Mostly, my husband and I were busy *working*. He's got some big presentation to Steve Jobs in a few weeks...with several hurdles to clear before that presentation. And I, lacking good reliable babysitting, had a lot left over work from the week. I can't wait to have a reasonable work schedule again, especially now that my consulting business is about as busy as I want it to be at this point. Still, we managed to have a couple of fun outings.

Sunday, we were invited to a family picnic at a sorta-local park. The kids had a great time. They've got some fun climbing structures made out of rope with a rope bridge connecting them. Mam was really, really proud of herself for getting from one end to the other.
Smunch is big enough that it was fairly easy for him, but he was still pretty tentative on the bridge. These first photos were taken just after we got there, so the kids were still reasonably happy. But Mam's been super whiney lately and finally broke into a runny nose. And Smuch...well...despite a sudden improvement in his speech, his behavior didn't really follow.
Things went rapidly downhill (from a parental standpoint) from here. Daddy usually keeps tabs on the kids when we go to family picnics while I fulfill the social butterfly role. This time, neither of us did a good job of keeping track of the kids. Before we knew it, the kids were playing in the fine, fine dusty dirt under a boardwalk. I went to get them for lunch. Mam had wet her pants already. It wasn't until we tried to go home that Daddy found out that Smunch had also had an accident...necessitating a trip home in a makeshift diaper. Fortunately, I bring spare clothes for Mam. Even more fortunately, she fell fast asleep on the way home!

'Piders in the Bathtub

Most nights, I end up sitting in Mam's room until she falls asleep. I just sit there and read my book in the rocking chair. Oftentimes, Mam chatters up a storm while I sit there. Last night's performance was particularly entertaining...at least for me. It went something like this:

Mam: Mommy?
Me: Yes, Mam. (slightly impatiently, since she's not supposed to be talking)
Mam: You nice to 'piders.
Me: Uh (trying not to laugh) thanks, Mam.
Mam: You find it in the bathtub. You no kill it. You put it in a cup. You take him outside. That's his home. You nice to 'piders, Mommy.

Clearly I'm making the world a better place with each spider saved from the drain in the bathtub...oh...and by creating a little girl with an appreciation for such things!

Pet Parade?

Or was it a preschooler parade? And what exactly would the difference be? The preschoolers could have used some leashes...and some wagons to travel in too, just like the tortoises that people brought out for the event. Although tortoises might have made the route on foot faster than our Mam did.


Today was the Los Altos 60th (yes, 60!) Annual Pet Parade. I used to march in this parade when I was a kid. I took my dog. These days, actually having a pet doesn't seem to be a requirement. Every preschool and elementary school in the city seemed to have a contingent there. And those contingents were markedly light on pets. And Smunch wasn't really sure about the whole thing...except that he was sure he didn't want to walk down Main Street and up State Street on his own two feet, so Daddy got Smunch-toting duty. (Poor Daddy's shoulders!) Mommy got Mam toting duties for a while as well.

The best part of the whole thing, as far as Mam was concerned, was that she got to meet some new canines. Mam loves dogs and this one was one of her very favorites...an Australian shepard with a fondness for licking little girls who squeal with delight. Mam was thrilled. She also tried to pilfer someone else's beautiful white retriever-type dog on the way back to the car, but with no success.
My favorite entry in the parade was the Daschund Delegation. Daschunds are always funny, no matter what they're up to. So, the Pet Parade was far from devoid of pets, really. Pets spotted today included a parrots, rats, lizards, cats, dogs, ponies, horses, hamsters, goldfish, snakes, tortoises and a couple of chickens. It's pretty surprising what kinds of animals can be dragged along a parade route.
Mam complained a lot about her legs along the way. Poor little girl. It wasn't until we got home that I figured out she had her panties on sideways! "Daddy did it!" she repeated over and over as she sat on the potty and I righted her undies. As the English would say, "O.K., O.K., don't get your knickers in a twist!"

Happy and Not at All Hollow

Smunch didn't have school today because the church that houses his preschool has a big rummage sale at this time of year and they deem it necessary to *close* the school for this event. I won't go into my opinion of "rummage sale day" being a school holiday. Suffice to say, he had the day off and I had some free tickets to Happy Hollow Park and Zoo. The weather was beautiful and I've been working a lot, so it seemed high time to get out with the kids to do something relaxing and fun. We had a great time.

I learned some things too. There's a lot of freedom in doing something like this by myself, without a friend and more kids. My kids get to do whatever they want, provided they can agree with each other. We can have lunch or treats whenever we want without worrying what someone else would like to do and we can leave at the first sign of a meltdown...or at least shortly thereafter (oops).

I haven't gotten in one of those photo booths since high school, but after a fun day at the park, it seemed like just the right thing to commemorate a really fun day.

Speaking of commemorating things, here (on the left) is a photo of Smunch during his first visit to Happy Hollow in May 2003. He was just about 15 months old and we were there celebrating his discharge from the NICU a year earlier. On the right is Smunch, riding the same snail today...almost exactly 4 years later. I don't imagine he'll want to go to Happy Hollow anymore in another 4 years. I guess I should get as much mileage out of this as I can before he outgrows the pink and blue snail!

Stealing third and shameless flower photos

It's been a while. That's one of those downsides of being a writer for a living. I spend so much darned time writing for money, that I lose the enthusiasm for writing for fun. And honestly, it's not like there was nothing to write about either. My favorite of the stories I failed to blog in the last few weeks was about Smunch's T-ball game against the Rock Hounds. This was supposed to be a post called "Stealing Third".

Understand, of course, that 5-year-olds don't really know a whole lot about playing T-ball, so the games are always sort of a free-for-all of balls, bats, helmets, gloves and small, speeding children. Smunch had already hit and was on base (This is no signficant feat considering that all the kids get to hit until they hit the ball and then they automatically get to run to first. There are no outs.)

Also understand that moms who watch T-ball are only paying attention sporadically. I'm often commenting to a friend, fending off a comment from my mother, or taking Mam and her Sarah to the bathroom...together...again. So, I look up as Gavin is running from third base towards home plate. Something looks strange. He's running with one hand shoved up is shirt and I'm wondering what the heck is wrong.

As he crosses home plate, the hand comes out of the shirt...with half of third base. I guess the base was torn to begin with and Gavin thought he might as well take some of it with him!

Yeah. That's the whole story. Maybe you had to be there.

When I lamented recently that I hadn't updated my blog, a friend suggested I just put up some of my favorite recent pictures. This goes against my writerly brain in a big way...especially since the focus of my blog is funny stories about my kids. But, because I'm hopelessly in love with my house during the spring, I will now shamelessly post some of my favorite photos from the yard in the last month or so... tune in in a few minutes for more interesting, kid-related fare...

You can see a larger version of each of these if you click on them. I'm particularly fond of the pink rose after the rain and the snail on the purple iris. I'll bore you all with photos of our lovely un-ripe fruits next time I'm lacking for content.

School photos are here!

Well, that sounds awfully exciting, doesn't it? I finally get to see the product of much screaming and crying on a morning a few weeks ago. It wasn't any trouble to get Mam into her sweet little purple dress, but that hair is always a battle. She wouldn't let me put it up that week. It was a "barette only" week. Mam gets to school at 9am. Pictures were scheduled for her class at 11:15. You can imagine just how much hope I held out for that measly little barrette. None.

And I was right to hold so little hope. The only reaction I have for this photo is something like. You want me to pay $31 for WHAT??? Tell me. Does she look like a giant dose of Miralax might help with her facial expression? Maybe. And it wasn't even a Miralax kind of day.

Nope. Can't find anything redeeming in this photo. The dress looks nice, I guess. I've never had to send back the entire packet of photos without purchasing a single one. There's a first time for everything.

Now, we recently got photos of Smunch too. He had photos taken for Little League. They took a whole bunch of shots. I had the impression they were going to put them online and let us pick the best pose, but I guess they did it for us because they arrived...the whole package of a single pose...with no digital announcement whatsoever.

He still looks like a pretty cute All-American kinda kid, but do you get the impression the photographer said, "O.K. everyone. Give us a really half-hearted 'Cheese!'" Fortunately, in this small format, you can't tell what awful teeth my poor kid has! The larger version is a little disheartening. I almost can't wait for his baby teeth to start falling out. The permanent ones are supposed to be fine.

Looks like you'll find us at Sears Portrait Studio this summer...with our fingers crossed for something...anything...better than this!

SuperMom

Most of the time, the word SuperMom makes me think of a woman who looks fantastic, works full-time, always picks her kids up at daycare on time, always reads to them for more than 15 minutes at night and still has time to make cupcakes for preschool the next day. That's not me. In fact, that's completely laughable, as far as I'm concerned.

Perhaps I should be content with being my kids' hero from time to time instead. My kids didn't actually call me SuperMom today, but they thought I was cool and that counts for a lot these days. You know what else is laughable? I actually thought I was pretty cool too.

When the rocket from Smunch's prized "Stomp Rocket" (pictured at an earlier date) got stuck in a redwood tree at the park today , I waited for the breeze to knock it out. Didn't happen. Using my maternal SuperMom wiles, I remembered a miniature basketball in the back of the car. Leaving Mam to aid Smunch in further rocket launching (there are several rockets), I zipped back to the SuperMomMobile (aka: the minivan), got the ball and with one deft toss, knocked the rocket to the ground.

"Whoa! Thanks!" Smunch said. Yay. I'm cool.

Then, of course, Mam decided that the heroic ball needed to be used in a game of solitaire soccer. That was fine, but eventually Smunch got bored of rocketeering and decided to go after her. The park has a creek. You get the picture. I hear Mam screeching over by the creek. And I get there to find the basketball cheerfully bobbing along in the water...next to an equally unperturbed duck.

Moms with common sense and an appreciation for using "natural consequences" as a tool for teaching good behavior, would have used this opportunity to show the kids how they lose toys when they can't play nice. But not SuperMom. SuperMom saves the day by nimbly skooching (Can one skooch nimbly? Forget it. I can't even spell skootch!) down the creek bank and tip toeing across a few rocks to the ball, rescuing it from the water and leaving the duck unruffled before gracefully reachieving the shore.

SuperMom finds a caterpillar and asks Mam, to her squealing delight, if she'd like to hold it. "Hi, little caterpillar!" she says. SuperMom points out a second caterpillar that has landed, as if by magic (or so Smunch said) on Smunch's shoulder. We leave the park in time to catch Curious George on TV... pile on those SuperMom points!

And, as if the newly appreciative children aren't enough, SuperMom immediately goes to work on...not dinner...but on cleaning up the breakfast dishes...oh, and, uh, the lunch dishes. And she sweeps the dried out mud clods off the floor. All evidence of the day's earlier transgressions neatly concealed, she starts dinner. And completes it as husband walks in the door.

This is where there should be applause and I take a big bow. But SuperMom, with her omniscient powers, strongly suspects that husband is onto her. His keen vision probably notices that the dishes from breakfast are still dripping on the towel by the sink. He may have glimpsed the bathroom floor, still streaked with the kind of mud that doesn't just brush off.

But he says nothing.

Thank goodness the superpowers were available when choosing SuperDad!

I Wanna Be Sedated

Smunch likes to listen to Andy Z, but he also likes to listen to "grown up" music in the car. I play a game with him to see if he knows who's singing. You've never met a 5-year-old with better ears for Gwen Stefani, Depeche Mode or John Mayer...not to mention The Black Eyed Peas and Kelly Clarkson. I've also taught him that if you listen to the lyrics, you can often figure out the name of the song.

Anyway, tonight the radio station was playing someone's request for The Ramones. When the song was over, the DJ went into his regular line about how that was the Ramones singing....

Then Smunch chimed in.

"I knew that was the name of the song! I knew it was called 'I Want a Piece of Data!'"

Uh, right Smunch. Pass the Valium, would you?

Stumper of the Day

Smunch to Mommy while coloring in the outline of a ladybug that Mommy just drew for him:

"Mom, what color are ladybugs' mouthez?"

No Blocks. No Problem.

The blog is starting to lack the color from photographs. There's no real story to go with this one except to point out that the ingenuity of kids is boundless. We don't keep building blocks in the kitchen, but it was a rainy day and the kids apparently couldn't be bothered to go back to the playroom and dig our their blocks, so they made do...

Don't Get Guished!

The following takes place between 5pm and 6pm on the day of the Sidewinder's most recent T-ball practice:

((cell phone rings in the front of a red minivan))

Mommy driver: Hello? Uh huh. That's great, but we're coming from the other direction. O.K. We'll meet you there.
(hangs up)

Smunch: Who was that?

Mommy: That was Daddy.

Smunch: Where is he?

Mommy: He's walking down Rosita. We're going to go pick him up.

Mam: Daddy's walking to Chili's!

Mommy: It would take Daddy a very long time to walk to Chili's. We're going to pick him up on Rosita.

Mam: Oh. He gonna get guished!

Mommy (trying not to laugh): I don't think he's going to get squished.

Mam. He guished like a pancake!

Mommy: He's not in the middle of the road, Mam. He knows how to be careful and not get squished.

Turning the corner onto Rosita, Mommy's best efforts at instilling a wee bit of traffic safety in her children are completely thwarted at the site of Daddy...standing smack in the middle of the road!

Maybe that guy is going to get guished...

Puhleeeese

Funny kid comment of the day: Smunch to Mam upon asking her to help him clean up:

"What word do you not understand in 'please'"?

Off With His Ears!

I dunno. There's just something about Easter. In a lot of ways, it's not as exciting as Christmas, but it's got the same great food and it's springtime, so everything is flowery and beautiful. And the kids have to go outside, so the festivities don't get started until they're dressed and beautiful. But it has the same magical feel...a mysterious being has been to visit and left treats. Cool!

And this year, when I announced on Good Friday that we had some Easter cookies to decorate, Smunch looked at me, a smile spreading across his face, and out popped the one thing *every* mom wants to hear, but so rarely does... "You're the best, Mom!"

This morning was Easter. Smunch dressed himself. He felt compelled to do this because he'd wet his bed and he *hates* to wet his bed, so he always changes out of his PJs ASAP, hoping no one will notice. He usually trades them for dry PJs, but this morning, he traded his soggy PJs for real clothes. Wetting the bed is really unusual for him these days, but we had a babysitter last night and maybe he drank a lakes-worth of water before bed. I don't know.

So, the kids were thrilled to see the Easter Bunny left baskets brimming with candy and a trail of jellybeans all over the table. They pointed out all the eggs in the yard through the windows. Too bad their excitement quickly gave way to other emotions. Smunch got belligerent and greedy with the eggs. Mam got whiney and teary every time she couldn't find an egg. The Easter Bunny was annoyed.

Both kids have colds and they've been whiney and snotty for days. The Kleenex is piling up in the trash cans and the coughing and sneezing is ever-present. Still, the egg hunt was a success and everyone was stuffed with a breakfast of scrambled eggs, almond danish, cinnamon rolls, fruit salad, sausage and bacon...ugh, I feel sort of nauseous just typing all that stuff out!

Despite the grumpiness, there were some good photo opportunities, even of the grumpy kids! How classic is this?


Ahh...I think I need a sunny rock to lie on!

My Sarah

I've spent the last 5 years hanging out with Smunch, a little boy who can be very sweet or an absolute terror. He talks a lot, he likes to destroy things, he doesn't really have a lot of friends...at least he has no one friend who he really loves. He doesn't get invited for a lot of playdates, although he does go to a few and seems to enjoy himself. The rules of being social still elude him. It shouldn't be a great shock to me. His father's hardly a social butterfly, but...

Imagine my surprise when I went and had a *girl* next. Generally speaking, Mam isn't all that girly. She has no particular fondness for dresses, doesn't carry her dolls around (although I caught her kissing one last night before she put it in "the line" with her copious stuffed animals), she likes pink, but she'd just as soon have a pink dress as a pink bulldozer.

Then there's Sarah.

I can't quite remember when Mam first met Sarah. It was more than a year ago and Sarah's about 4 months older, so the two really didn't have much in common at the time. Fast forward. Sarah's older brother and Smunch are on the same Little League T-ball team, so now that T-ball's up and running, Mam and Sarah see quite a bit of each other. Yesterday, walking across the field to practice, Mam chirped up "Where's my Sarah?" Well, gosh, I dunno. Maybe she's not coming today.

But moments later, Mam's Sarah arrived with her brother and grandpa. Mam went running over to greet her and the two were inseperable for the entirety of practice. Running through the field, jumping off bleachers, sliding down slides, hugging, giggling, smiling... I'd been planning to leave and go make dinner, but the playdate with Sarah was too much fun. Girls are *so* darned funny. They're already running to the bathroom to pee together.

Clearly boys and girls are made different from the very start. I don't think I've *ever* seen boys behave the way little girls do...not with each other anyway. I've seen them be that kind of friendly to girls from time to time. These photos are the culmination of about 6 playdates together over the past year. You'd think they're already best friends. I'm sure Mam is already excited about seeing her Sarah at Smunch's very first T-ball game tonight. I wonder if I'm going to get to watch any of it or if I'm going to be running around after two little girls who are attached at the hip!